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Chelsea’s pain soothes my Arsenal heart

by SimonSEEZ

May day meant most of us got the day off work and though I wished it fell on a Friday which would mean an extended weekend, I’ll take any day of the week off work with arms wide open, and there is always next year when it falls on a Friday so no worries.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed your day off if you had one ‘cos I sincerely did. It seemed the universe wanted me to enjoy a whole day trolling Chelsea fans on their loss to A. Madrid and I sure did enjoy taunting them. What a game it was, after parking the bus in Spain and against Liverpool it seemed the bus suffered some serious wear and tear leaving gaping holes for A.Madrid to use.

Anyways, football is all about enjoying your victories and mourning your loses and Arsenal fans sure do have experience in mourning loses over the years especially this year with the heavy defeats we suffered away to the teams above us. You see, to be an Arsenal fan in a country like Nigeria you must have some crocodile thick skin because the amount of abuse we have suffered from United and Chelsea fans over the years on the back of our lack of trophies is enough to drive anyone into insanity. An Arsenal fan having a simple argument about the offside rule with a rival fan has a higher tendency of tilting towards ‘what have you won in the last nine years’ than an actual discussion of the position of the player who is deemed offside.

So when we get the opportunity to troll our rivals boy do we take it or what, United fans have felt our venom this year and Chelsea crashing out of the Champions league afforded us another opportunity to troll and I made certain to take advantage. On a BBM Group for my secondary school mates where we talk about all things, football is a major topic and being in an environment dominated by fans of clubs who have a more recent history of winning means I am more often than not on the defensive. This time it was different. Posting several pictures I got off twitter of Chelsea’s damaged bus and funny pictures of their manager, I touched the last nerve of a few Chelsea fans and one was pretty entertaining so I decided to share with you . Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

This was the pic I posted that got the most vitriol from a particular Chelsea fan and this conversation ensued.


Chelsea Fan: Knock yourself out, aren’t there more pics out there you’ve not posted? Please you can do better

Me: Naaa, this is the best of the lot actually

Chelsea Fan: U can do better. There must be still some pic out there. Check well, and drink in the defeat forever. Nothing else counts again.

Me : Nothing feels better trust me. They even declared a public holiday for us to ensure we enjoy it better!!!

Chelsea Fan: Waiting for the next Mou bashing pics. This surely isn’t all you got. I’d be disappointed

Me : Take a seat mate, grab a beer if you can! There sure is more.

Chelsea Fan: Just post them already

Me: Naaa, death is more painful when it’s slow

Chelsea Fan:  Make sure you don’t do anything else with your time today. Oh! You are dying? No wonder. Classless as you have always been, You are the one dude who would have been totally mute had Chelsea won. 2012 you refused to say a word of congrats to your Chelsea supporting mates on UCL victory. Now you’ve got a new day job. You totally reek classlessness.

Me: loooooool. Congrats? For what? Was I happy you won? At least I am not a hypocrite. Don’t I have a right to offer my own congratulations to whom I choose to offer it too? Congratulations to Chelsea winning Bla Bla….WTF..I’ll rather spit on my grave. If that is classlessness because I choose not to congratulate….dude make me the class captain of all classless people.

Chelsea Fan: “spit on your grave” you can see the kind of stuff Chelsea makes you utter. Please get a grip.

Me: Grip gotten a long time ago buddy

Chelsea Fan:   What do you call that your blog again? Why not put out an article there on Mou and on your hatred of him and Chelsea? Since you are now a writer you might as well put out your hateful thoughts in a better medium.

Me: Its CanonCrested.com mate, naaa, he is not worth a whole article. Usually I do a few paragraphs reveling in my joy anytime he loses….

Chelsea Fan: and the other stuff, no it’s not hypocrisy; its class. I didn’t expect you to understand that. My next comment would be on your next pick of Mou/Chelsea

Me: Very comfortable with my not understanding it…not a single regret.

A Chelsea fan talking about Class, this is a club that has a captain that can throw a banana at a black player and sleeps with his mates’ missus. A club that concocted a lie against Mark Clatterburg accusing him of being racist and having a player who doesn’t understand English as its primary witness. A club that has a manager that pokes eyes of other coaches, a manager that completely disrespects his colleagues abusing them in the media and celebrating goals during games directly behind them i.e Pellegrini. We can go on and on about Chelsea but there is not point really, their pain soothes my heart.

I have never understood the whole because I support an English team I would have to wish another English team well in Europe especially for us foreign fans. I ain’t English so I am never going to tell a Spanish guy hei, my league is better than yours because we have won more European titles than your country knowing fully well that my own club hasn’t contributed to the hull of champions league wins. Anyway you look at it, I find it rather odd and about congratulating you because you won….nope nothing coming from me either.

Anyways, I enjoyed the banter and we are all buddies after it all. Life is not that serious to fight over a game.

To more Arsenal related events, we look forward to the game against West Brom and another three points that should seal our place in Europe next season. We should have a preview of the game on the site tomorrow so do visit for that. Cheers friends….on a sad note please join us Nigerians in praying that our abducted girls are found. If you want to join in that conversation you can follow the #Bringbackourgirls hash tag on Twitter.

Interact with us on the comments section on how you trolled Chelsea fans on their loss or on Twitter on @canoncrested . Follow us, we always follow back.


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Ross Tommey May 1, 2014 - 10:53 pm

Top article. One of the best on the Chelsea bus crash I have read form our prospective. Mirrored a couple of clashes I had from Nigeria Chav’s. One even called me a wanker and he hadn’t even heard of the word until I taught him whilst I was over your neck of the woods! Which made me chuckle. I did tell him to fuck off! and that he was a twat (that got lost in translation)! So I unfriended him and then blocked him from my facebook! Not before sending him about 20 images of crashed buses!

I did point out that as fans we are supposed to ride out the storms of our loses but being a plastic chav he expects his rich sugar daddy to buy him a trophy every year rather than earning it playing the game the way it was meant; not harking back to the orgins of the sport on the English fields of Harrow School where they used to chase one another around and throw the bloody ball at each other. Rugby Football I think they call it! Egg chasers in my opinion!

Still lets all laugh at Chelsea!

I managed to put together a collection of YouTube clips and posted them to you for preparation for the cup final meet! You know I’ll be there with you in spirit!

#Bringbackourgirls is growing momentum around the world! Our polititians are putting pressure on your inept government and I think our ex-primeminister is even wading in with his size 9’s next week when he is due to visit! Keep the tweets flowing folks the world is watching and listening and the pressure will have it’s toll on Dr “Badluck” soon enough!

Please do not be offended I will speak out against all polititians yours mine any countries! They are all fraudsters!

I hope my article has reached you well and the pics are of some use! looking forward to seeing my name up in lights!

Keep up the good works and bash the Chavs with your witting commentary! UTA!

SimonSEEZ May 2, 2014 - 8:52 pm

Chavs are Chavs anywhere any time…you should have kept him around..one last round of laughter when we win the FA Cup and they go empty this season…

Dozie May 2, 2014 - 11:07 am

Typical chavs…

Dozie May 2, 2014 - 11:12 am

You forgot to add that john Terry cried… that was epic

toritseju May 2, 2014 - 1:04 pm

@Dozie : yes, yes, yes,…. Those tears were priceless. I actually remember laughing had to that. Too bad the cameramen couldn’t get a shot of Mou after the match

SimonSEEZ May 2, 2014 - 8:53 pm

Loved it, he should cry more often..

enigma106 May 4, 2014 - 11:37 pm

Mourinho’s controller. Loooooooool

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